Did Your Car Get Repossessed, Mr. Lowe?

Today, in an effort to get exercise and to shed many unwanted LBs, I decided to ride my bike to school. I would like to be able to do it all year, but unfortunately the sun doesn't quite rise as early as I would like it to, but there is now just enough light at 5:30am so I can head to work.

I love cycling and I do it all the time, anyway, but it's an incredible experience to be riding and see the sun come up from the horizon. It's a beautiful path from my house to my school - a little more than 14 miles - and so I don't mind it as much. When I get to school, there is no way I'm leaving my bike outside at the mercy of a pack of 6th, 7th and 8th graders, so I stash it in my room behind my desk. Of course, it's the very first thing the kids notice, so I always get the same question: Mr. Lowe, why is there a bike in here?

As my fourth class of the day came in, they all sat down and began their work. An interesting conversation followed -

TD: "Mr. Lowe, did you ride your bike to work today?"

Me: "Yep."

TD: "How far away do you stay?" (for all the Utahn readers, hat's Memphis for "How far away do you live?")

Me: "About 15 miles away."

TD: "You rode that far?!"

DB: "What? Did you get put out the house?"

Me: "Did I get put out of the house? By who? My wife?"

DB: "No, I meant, did someone repossess your car?"

Me: "Yeah....no, nobody repossessed my car."

DB: "Then why else would you ride your bike to school?"

Me: "For exercise. Don't worry, my car's still safely parked in my garage at my house."

DB (confused): "Oh..."

I definitely don't live anymore where I grew up. If my teacher had ridden his bike to school, I would have assumed he wanted to exercise. However, in Memphis, the first thought in this kid's head was that I couldn't pay my car bill, so it got repossessed and I had to ride my bike to work. Funny world.

"Oooh, his wife's mean!"

This morning, one of my students put her track bag in my closet so it won't get stolen and she found a framed picture of one of my engagement photos with my wife. She took it upon herself to take the picture out and place it strategically on my desk so that "everyone can see how beautiful your wife is."

The boys decided to check her out and they all agreed that she's far too attractive for me, as was detailed here.

Not all were too impressed with my wife, however.

JR: "His wife was really nice to me, I would love to have her for a sub."

FM: "She's mean, she subbed for us last year and she yelled at me. She'll yell at you, then stare at you...and THEN send you to the office."

Me: "Maybe you were acting like you usually do, and that's why she had to get mad at you."

FM: "Yeah, that's probably true, but she's still mean."

Way to be, wife, way to be.

Best E-mail of the Year

Last Wednesday, a fellow teacher and I were attached to an e-mail that a student's mother sent to our principal. It's easy to get down about teaching because 99% of the time, it's a thankless job. It's easy to get so frustrated that you wonder why you ever signed up for this torture in the first place. I had been feeling both of those emotions when I read the e-mail and it completely changed my outlook on things and made me realize that I'm doing this for a reason.

"Mrs. Brown -

"I want to pass along compliments to Mr. Trent Lowe and Miss Emily Misconish. I wish EVERY teacher could be as encouraging and excited about teaching as they are. They are in constant communication with parents and an obvious caring for their students. It is clear they want their students to learn and enjoy the process.

"Miss Misconish is always eager to help her students with tutoring or is available by email or text if my daughter has a homework question. M's understanding of math has improved by leaps and bounds this year.

"Mr. Lowe finds new and unique teaching methods to keep his students engaged. M never fails to come home and tell me something she learned in his class. Mr. Lowe encourages her to write and to read quality books instead of some of the frivolous books teenagers read these days.

"I am so thrilled M was able to experience each of these teachers' passion for teaching as that is the career path she has chosen. I am just sad that her year with them is almost over.

"Thanks for listening,

"A.G., M's mother."

Usually I don't like to toot my own horn, but this made me too happy to pass up. Way to be Ms. Conish, I mean Ms. Misonthis, I mean Ms. Macintosh, I mean....

Pee in a cup?

Thursday, there were a bunch of kids fooling around in front of the school before the morning bell rang, which prompted the assistant principal to ship everyone into the auditorium for a "Come to Jesus" morning assembly that had been brewing for awhile. The weather's getting warmer, which means kids will begin to get Spring Fever and start acting up, so the assembly came at an opportune time. While the classes were waiting to be called to te auditorium, one of my honors students asks, sarcastically -

"Mr. Lowe, are we all getting drug-tested."

I answer, "Yep, they're gonna line up all 1,100 students and have you pee in a cup."

In the back of the room, one of my funnier female students made a joke but she didn't know I could hear. She turned to her friend and said -

"I sure hope we have to pee in a cup."

Friend: "Why?! That's disgusting!"

Student: "Because I LOVE peeing in cups. It's probably one of my most favorite things behind playing in traffic!"

Well-played, DD.

Needless to say, we didn't have to pee in any cups.

Mad Libs Memphis

We've been learning about parts of speech and how to make them more interesting in our essays because the state writing test is coming up and they need to pass. On Wednesday, we were also looking at context clues and determining the meaning of an unknown word based on the words surrounding it.

So I put the following sentences on the board:

This morning, as we were jabbering out the door, my chickasaw tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I sequestered the door really swishlike and he hit it with his dermis. I laughed so hard, I jumbled off the duvet.

Obviously, there are words in there that they don't know and some words are just invented - no idea what a chickasaw is, but it sounded cool, so I threw it in - but I wanted them to be able to determine the part of speech and replace it with an appropriate word.

This is what my students came up with (I told them to be the most creative possible):

8-2 Class

This morning, as we were passing gas out the door, my toilet tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I fought the door really hard in the paint and he hit it with his pancakes. I laughed so hard, I peed off the sink.

8-1 Class

This morning, as we were fumbling out the door, my homeroomies tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I swooshed the door really boisterously and he hit it with his pelvis. I laughed so hard, I peed off the entertainment unit.

Apparently peeing off things is hilarious to 14-year-olds.

8-3 Class

This morning, as we were juking out the door, my brother's teeth tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I RKO'd (a wrestling move) the door really monstrously and he hit it with his stinky breath. I laughed so hard, I farted off the Eiffel Tower.

8-4 Class

This morning, as we were hustling out the door, my ignorant dinosaur tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I stiff-armed the door really anxiously and he hit it with his weenus. I laughed so hard, I exploded off the roof.

8-9 Class

This morning, as we were moonwalking out the door, my crazy man doing the stanky leg tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I used Earl's breath to melt the door really efficiently and he hit it with his dark shady night gums. I laughed so hard, I made my belly roll off the side of Jose's face.

Can you tell which class is the most rambunctious of the bunch?

New Info on the Mormons

A conversation that occurred 10 minutes ago with two students whom I know, but aren't my students. They're pretty good kids.

R: "I like 'Napoleon Dynamite,' but it's like everyone in it is high. Their eyes are always half-shut."

M: "They're making it into a cartoon! It's gonna be soooo funny!"

R: "My mom told me it's a Christian movie, but I'm not so sure."

Me: "Yeah...no, it's not a Christian movie, however, it was made by all Mormons."

(hint, hint, I'm a Mormon, but they have no idea)

M: "Really? I don't like Mormons."

Me: "Why?"

R: "There are two types of Mormons - the Mormons who are all angelic and the Mormons who do every drug on the planet."

Me: "Every drug on the planet? What's the ratio like?"

R: "Um, I'd say it's about half and half."

I knew Provo's full of half-medicated housewives, but I didn't know that half of us did hard drugs. News to me.

"I've Found the Person I Truly Love!"

The math teacher, Ms. M, found this note today in class and shared it. I just wish my students would put this much insight into their actual writing that I grade...

This note is between a boy, DB, and a girl, JW, about D's newly-ex-girlfriend, DT. Sad story.

DB: "Give me a reason not to cry."

JW: "because I don't want to see you cry =("

DB: "I miss her and need her...actually I miss us and need us back."

JW: "D, i'm sorry that i have to say this, but you need to move on like she has. i don't want you upset about this anymore."

DB: "You don't understand how hard that is for me! I've found the one person I truly love and now I have to move on? I kno life isn't fair but this time its gone to far. She is the one thing that makes me happy! Every time I look at a girl that isn't her, I see nothing but a person standing there but when I look at her, I see love, I see my future, I see life as good again. I can't let that go!! I can't lose her!! I love her and I don't want to lose her love!!"

JW: "What the hell do you want me to tell you ?!?! i don't know what to tell you! nothing i say means anything to you! so why do you keep coming to me? you tell me stuff and i don't know what to tell you and that upsets me! so why?!?! idk. i'm sorry but i really don't know what to say. i wish i did but i don't. i'm sorry i yelled at you through words, but it upsets me. look, this is all i can tell you, she has moved on. so you need to before you really fall apart. and none of us want you to fall apart."

DB: "Idk how to move on from my true love."

JW: "but you know you have to, right?"

DB: "No...I will always love her and I will always want to be with her."

JW: "i'm sorry, i made you cry didn't i? I should really shut up."

DB: "No, it's not ur fault."

JW: "but you were fine a min ago until i said something."

DB: "I wasn't fine at all, it's what u said...Everyone is asking me to move on, but they don't get how hard it is for me."

JW: "I know it must be hard on you. but if you keep holding on you will never be the same D you were at the start of the year. =("

DB: "That was before I fell in love with her..."

JW: "D, what do you want me to say that you will listen?"

DB: "I am listening but idk how to let her go."

JW: "1. don't be around her 2. don't hug or kiss her 3. forget all the date you two had. I know this is hard but you need to do it! and it kills me to tell you this."

DB: "But that's what keeps me going. those happy memories remind me of the love we once shared, they remind me that there is someone that wants to be with me."

This could totally be an ABC Family tv show...