Monday, April 8, 2013

Shark Week for Girls

Today, at the beginning of class, I gave my students this prompt with the explicit instructions to be detailed and legitimate in their reasoning:

Who has it easier: boys or girls? 

In my honors class, one of the smartest girls, SB, who is sarcastic and irreverent and reminds me of me if I had been a girl, answered in a way I couldn't have foreseen.

I think it's almost equal as to who has it easier, but I'm going to say that girls have it harder. First, we have to endure "shark week" once a month and it's not pretty. Second, we have to give birth, which is like "shark week" on steroids. So I think we win. 

Well said. No argument here.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Ridiculous Mad Libs 2.0

One thing that 8th graders have a hard time with is the use of context clues. When they get to a word they don't know, a lot of the time they just quit instead of working through it. In an attempt to solve this, after notes and a discussion, we set out to fix a confusing paragraph using context clues. The original paragraph is:

This morning, as we were jabbering out the door, my chickasaw tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I sequestered the door really swishlike and he hit it with his dermis. I laughed so hard, I jumbled off the duvet

Obviously, it makes no sense at all, so we have to fix it. And here are the results:

3rd Period - Honors
This morning, as we were dancing out the door, my rabid chinchilla tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I molested the door really Bill Clinton-like and he hit it with his weenus. I laughed so hard, I twerked off the thrift shop

What started out so innocently quickly descended into 14-year-old maturity...but I can't say that I didn't laugh with them. 

5th Period
This morning, as we were flipping out the door, my monkey tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I stabbed the door really cleverly and he hit it with his banana. I laughed so hard, I peed off the ceiling

6th Period
This morning, as we were twerking out the door, my twerking buddy tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I paper-chased the door really fast and he hit it with his weenus. I laughed so hard, I farted off the ugliness

7th Period
This morning, as we were Harlem-shaking out the door, my thunder buddy tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I shot the door really gangsta-like and he hit it with his widow's peak. I laughed so hard, I sharted off the bacne (back acne).

...I hate it when I shart on my bacne. Worst. Thing. Ever.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Funny Vocab Quizzes, Part 19

Some funny examples from this week's vocabulary quiz. The words were lackluster, handicap, exceptional, reimburse, boisterous, and condone.

TA: "My friend's Capstone essay was very lackluster because he plagiarized almost the entire thing."
Uh......which friend was that?

AA: "The walking mushrooms were a handicap in Mario and Luigi's plan to save Princess Peach."

CW: "I really don't care about anything Ms. ____ says, so I definitely give her a lackluster effort on everything."

CO: "I don't condone child abuse, but some kids need to act right before their parents hit them."
This one is really funny because CO is one of the most relaxed and laid-back kids I've ever met, plus, he's a great student who has vented before in writing about the ineptitude of some of his classmates.

DD: "LC (another student) is handicap because he got droped on the head when he was 5."
LC: "Every Friday Ms. Cofer has a test and DD's lackluster."
Apparently, they knew they were going to diss each other beforehand. I find the first one hilarious because I'm not so sure LC was the one dropped on his head.

ZP: "The main handicap of Nicki Minaj being a judge on American Idol is that she can't sing."

JS: "Ke$ha's performances are lackluster because she can't sing."     Well put.

This last one is absolutely incorrect and actually never uses the word handicap, but it was funny, so I included it.

DB: "On the news a man said, "breaking news a young boy got shot in both legs in Memphis, TN."

And there you have it, vocabulary well-executed, or in some cases, just executed.

Friday, March 1, 2013

"Coach, Show Me The Way"

I've slowly figured out this year that one of my students is the 14-year-old version of me (or me, 11 years ago). He's hilarious and a bit quirky. Examples of such follow:

I feel that it has been firmly established that I definitely married up in the attractiveness realm, as was pointed out in one of my previous blog posts.

Yesterday, Emily, my wife, came to the very end of our soccer game (which we won 8-0!).

As I was walking in the hall a few minutes ago, one of my players, GA, saw me.

GA: "Coach, I saw your wife yesterday."

Me: "Oh, yeah?"

GA: "Yep."

Me: "And.....?"

GA: "Coach. Show me the way."

Apparently, I have a supernatural prowess at tricking people into marrying me, and he wants my skillzzzzz.

Then, yesterday, I check my phone during lunch and found this text:

Saturday, January 26, 2013

He's Got Boob Cancer

While doing online research on poverty in Memphis, this conversation occurred:

CB: "Hey, Mr. Lowe, I'm gonna be gone next Thursday. Should I get my work now or when I get back?"

Me: "Just get it when you come back. Why are you going to be gone?"

CB: "We have to go up to Nashville."

Me: "Oh, really? For what?"

CB (in a thick, Southern drawl): "Well, we have to go up and see a doctor because my dad has a bump on his chest, like right here. They think he might be like my uncle and get boob cancer."

Me: "You mean breast cancer?"

CB: "Yeah, boob cancer, whatever. It's cancer in your boobs."

Friday, November 30, 2012

Owned By a Girl, Part Deux

Girls are vicious

My cousin, Charlie, is getting ready to leave on his religious mission to Argentina for two years. He leaves December 12, and my wife and I don't fly back for Christmas until December 22, so we weren't going to see him for two years. He was able to get a flight out here, but, unfortunately, my wife and I weren't able to take days off to see him, so he came to school with us.

Charlie's a good-lookin' fella. Good genes, I suppose.

When we went to my wife's school after I picked him up from the airport, we walked into her classroom and, almost immediately, a girl in the back makes an "mmm, mmm" sound followed with a deep grunt, apparently vocalizing her approval of Charlie and his good looks.

The following day, he came into my school to visit. A few of the girls were eager to find out who he was and why he was in my classroom. After I introduced him, one of the girls, BC, said, in a swooning fashion, "Hi, Mr. Lowe's coooouuuussssinnn."

I was handing out papers and this conversation followed.

KH: "Mr. Lowe, which side of the family is he from? Yours or your wife's?"

Me: "Mine. Our moms are sisters."

KH, very incredulously: "Really? Are you sure?"

Me: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I've known him all our lives."

KH: "Hmm.....then where did his good looks come from?"


I responded by saying, "That's not something you really want to say to the person who has your grade in his hands? Things can change pretty quick."

My response didn't make me feel any better...

Owned by a girl, part deux. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Exploding Pens and Cooking Bacon

Yesterday, I wasn't having a whole lot of luck with my 6th period class; they've been a bit unruly these past couple weeks and I've had to lay down the law more than a few times. I had already threatened to take away the group activity I had planned if they caused any more problems.

As I was explaining the purposes of persuasive text, everyone in the back corner of the room busts up laughing. I, very irritated, ask, "What's so funny that you're disrupting me?" I was expecting them to get the usual guilty faces, stop laughing and move on, but instead they just all pointed at SC.

I look over at SC and he has bright blue lips and is looking at me like a deer in the headlights. I realize that his pen just broke in his hand because he had ink all over; he asks me very calmly if he can go to the restroom and all I can do is laugh. So, naturally, I pull out my phone to document the event, but then I realize the pen didn't explode in his hand, it exploded in his mouth and he spit it out into his hand.

The result:

                                                                                                                        Photo: Trent Lowe Utah

I thought my SC adventure was over, but today, as I was grading their tests, I came across his and started laughing when I was grading it, prompting weird looks from some of my students.

                                                                                                                Photo: Trent Lowe Utah

(I couldn't figure out how to rotate the picture, whoops)

They were supposed to use the word "ingenuity" correctly in a sentence. His response:

"I'm cooking eggs and bacon on an engine block, now that's redneck ingenuity."

SC, you have proven ingenious with both pens and words, my friend.