Shark Week for Girls

Today, at the beginning of class, I gave my students this prompt with the explicit instructions to be detailed and legitimate in their reasoning:

Who has it easier: boys or girls? 

In my honors class, one of the smartest girls, SB, who is sarcastic and irreverent and reminds me of me if I had been a girl, answered in a way I couldn't have foreseen.

I think it's almost equal as to who has it easier, but I'm going to say that girls have it harder. First, we have to endure "shark week" once a month and it's not pretty. Second, we have to give birth, which is like "shark week" on steroids. So I think we win. 

Well said. No argument here.

Ridiculous Mad Libs 2.0

One thing that 8th graders have a hard time with is the use of context clues. When they get to a word they don't know, a lot of the time they just quit instead of working through it. In an attempt to solve this, after notes and a discussion, we set out to fix a confusing paragraph using context clues. The original paragraph is:

This morning, as we were jabbering out the door, my chickasaw tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I sequestered the door really swishlike and he hit it with his dermis. I laughed so hard, I jumbled off the duvet. 

Obviously, it makes no sense at all, so we have to fix it. And here are the results:

3rd Period - Honors
This morning, as we were dancing out the door, my rabid chinchilla tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I molested the door really Bill Clinton-like and he hit it with his weenus. I laughed so hard, I twerked off the thrift shop. 

What started out so innocently quickly descended into 14-year-old maturity...but I can't say that I didn't laugh with them. 

5th Period
This morning, as we were flipping out the door, my monkey tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I stabbed the door really cleverly and he hit it with his banana. I laughed so hard, I peed off the ceiling. 

6th Period
This morning, as we were twerking out the door, my twerking buddy tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I paper-chased the door really fast and he hit it with his weenus. I laughed so hard, I farted off the ugliness. 

7th Period
This morning, as we were Harlem-shaking out the door, my thunder buddy tried to trip me, but I saw it coming, so I shot the door really gangsta-like and he hit it with his widow's peak. I laughed so hard, I sharted off the bacne (back acne).

...I hate it when I shart on my bacne. Worst. Thing. Ever.

Funny Vocab Quizzes, Part 19

Some funny examples from this week's vocabulary quiz. The words were lackluster, handicap, exceptional, reimburse, boisterous, and condone.

TA: "My friend's Capstone essay was very lackluster because he plagiarized almost the entire thing."
Uh......which friend was that?

AA: "The walking mushrooms were a handicap in Mario and Luigi's plan to save Princess Peach."

CW: "I really don't care about anything Ms. ____ says, so I definitely give her a lackluster effort on everything."

CO: "I don't condone child abuse, but some kids need to act right before their parents hit them."
This one is really funny because CO is one of the most relaxed and laid-back kids I've ever met, plus, he's a great student who has vented before in writing about the ineptitude of some of his classmates.

DD: "LC (another student) is handicap because he got droped on the head when he was 5."
LC: "Every Friday Ms. Cofer has a test and DD's lackluster."
Apparently, they knew they were going to diss each other beforehand. I find the first one hilarious because I'm not so sure LC was the one dropped on his head.

ZP: "The main handicap of Nicki Minaj being a judge on American Idol is that she can't sing."

JS: "Ke$ha's performances are lackluster because she can't sing."     Well put.

This last one is absolutely incorrect and actually never uses the word handicap, but it was funny, so I included it.

DB: "On the news a man said, "breaking news a young boy got shot in both legs in Memphis, TN."

And there you have it, vocabulary well-executed, or in some cases, just executed.

"Coach, Show Me The Way"

I've slowly figured out this year that one of my students is the 14-year-old version of me (or me, 11 years ago). He's hilarious and a bit quirky. Examples of such follow:

I feel that it has been firmly established that I definitely married up in the attractiveness realm, as was pointed out in one of my previous blog posts.

Yesterday, Emily, my wife, came to the very end of our soccer game (which we won 8-0!).

As I was walking in the hall a few minutes ago, one of my players, GA, saw me.

GA: "Coach, I saw your wife yesterday."

Me: "Oh, yeah?"

GA: "Yep."

Me: "And.....?"

GA: "Coach. Show me the way."

Apparently, I have a supernatural prowess at tricking people into marrying me, and he wants my skillzzzzz.

Then, yesterday, I check my phone during lunch and found this text:

He's Got Boob Cancer

While doing online research on poverty in Memphis, this conversation occurred:

CB: "Hey, Mr. Lowe, I'm gonna be gone next Thursday. Should I get my work now or when I get back?"

Me: "Just get it when you come back. Why are you going to be gone?"

CB: "We have to go up to Nashville."

Me: "Oh, really? For what?"

CB (in a thick, Southern drawl): "Well, we have to go up and see a doctor because my dad has a bump on his chest, like right here. They think he might be like my uncle and get boob cancer."

Me: "You mean breast cancer?"

CB: "Yeah, boob cancer, whatever. It's cancer in your boobs."