I have one student, TB, of whom I have talked entirely too much for my liking. He never shuts his mouth...ever. However, in his defense, some of the crap that comes out of his mouth is pretty funny and I can't help but laugh in the middle of class. He is as sarcastic as they come, but he's smart about it, so I have to give him some props. Today, while we were in class talking about our research papers and formatting them correctly, I had warned them that talking out would result in the entire class losing points - something they take seriously as of late despite being behind the other classes by at least 50 points. I wish I had video of this because the look TB gave me afterward was priceless.
A bit of necessary information:
CH is white and best friends with KF.
KF and TB are both black.
CH (whispering): "B, hey B..."
KF: "C, shut up! Don't ruin this for us."
(CB silently motions as if he's gonna throw his pencil at KF's head. TB sees it)
TB (turning to CH): "You better not do that if you don't want to get jumped by black people."
TB then turned to me and winked with a devious smile. I was proud that he was being satirical about the perceived racial tension - though surprisingly absent at our school - and making a joke of it. The way he said it though was the funniest part. CH had nothing to say back to that, he was beat.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Snow Day...and things I think are "funny."
Today is a Friday. Today is a lazy day. Today is a snow day.
Yesterday, about 30 minutes before school let out, it began to snow. It was quite the flurry, but it wasn't really sticking, so really it shouldn't have been a problem. So last night, the district decided to close up shop for the weekend and now nobody's in school. I'm not complaining, I just think it's funny because the weather's not bad at all. Evidence: the picture below. You see that tiny bit of snow on the shrub and the bumper of the car? Yep, that's what prompted a snow day.
On a more serious and ridiculous note, I verbally reamed one of my classes on Tuesday. We were reading through a short story and I could barely get a word in without being interrupted by TB, one of my worst offenders. There are a few kids that laugh at everything he does, even though they complain about how loud and annoying he is once he's gone...doesn't make sense. So, finally, I kinda lost it. I dropped the story and called them out.
Me: "Who thinks T is funny?"
Five kids raised their hands.
Me: "Who thinks what T does is funny?"
Same five kids raise their hands.
Me: "Well, I don't. I don't think it's funny that B (one of my well-behaved students) is getting screwed out of a proper education because T can't shut his mouth. But you know what I do think is funny? I think minimum wage is funny. I think it's really funny that some people can't make enough money to pay their bills. Now, that's funny. You know what else is funny? People that work at McDonald's. I laugh in the face of the person that gives me my food because I know that he can't pay his rent every month."
We had been studying irony and figurative language, so I employed a bit in my rant -- I'm pretty sure it went right over their heads.
"I think it's hilarious that some of my students will get their driver's licenses in two years, yet can't read well enough to understand the street signs. I think it's hilarious that one of you might not understand what S-T-O-P spells, so you run the stop sign going 50 miles per hour and kill someone in the other car. Now that's funny."
Their minds were, at this point, blown and they were all trying to comprehend what I was saying. "Is this guy serious?"
"You know what really gets me laughing? Knowing that, unless you change in the very near future, your kids will be as poor as you are now and will be attending this same school because you never made anything of your lives. That's pretty funny to me."
I really was trying to be as hyperbolic and sarcastic as possible to get my point across. I didn't mean any of it, obviously, but I felt as if they needed someone to tell them what the consequences could be if they don't get their acts together. They were stunned that I was saying this all to them. I did it for effect and it definitely had its effect.
The next day, they didn't dare cross me. They were very well-behaved.
Win.
Yesterday, about 30 minutes before school let out, it began to snow. It was quite the flurry, but it wasn't really sticking, so really it shouldn't have been a problem. So last night, the district decided to close up shop for the weekend and now nobody's in school. I'm not complaining, I just think it's funny because the weather's not bad at all. Evidence: the picture below. You see that tiny bit of snow on the shrub and the bumper of the car? Yep, that's what prompted a snow day.
On a more serious and ridiculous note, I verbally reamed one of my classes on Tuesday. We were reading through a short story and I could barely get a word in without being interrupted by TB, one of my worst offenders. There are a few kids that laugh at everything he does, even though they complain about how loud and annoying he is once he's gone...doesn't make sense. So, finally, I kinda lost it. I dropped the story and called them out.
Me: "Who thinks T is funny?"
Five kids raised their hands.
Me: "Who thinks what T does is funny?"
Same five kids raise their hands.
Me: "Well, I don't. I don't think it's funny that B (one of my well-behaved students) is getting screwed out of a proper education because T can't shut his mouth. But you know what I do think is funny? I think minimum wage is funny. I think it's really funny that some people can't make enough money to pay their bills. Now, that's funny. You know what else is funny? People that work at McDonald's. I laugh in the face of the person that gives me my food because I know that he can't pay his rent every month."
We had been studying irony and figurative language, so I employed a bit in my rant -- I'm pretty sure it went right over their heads.
"I think it's hilarious that some of my students will get their driver's licenses in two years, yet can't read well enough to understand the street signs. I think it's hilarious that one of you might not understand what S-T-O-P spells, so you run the stop sign going 50 miles per hour and kill someone in the other car. Now that's funny."
Their minds were, at this point, blown and they were all trying to comprehend what I was saying. "Is this guy serious?"
"You know what really gets me laughing? Knowing that, unless you change in the very near future, your kids will be as poor as you are now and will be attending this same school because you never made anything of your lives. That's pretty funny to me."
I really was trying to be as hyperbolic and sarcastic as possible to get my point across. I didn't mean any of it, obviously, but I felt as if they needed someone to tell them what the consequences could be if they don't get their acts together. They were stunned that I was saying this all to them. I did it for effect and it definitely had its effect.
The next day, they didn't dare cross me. They were very well-behaved.
Win.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I Just Love Jenny
Last Wednesday, my entire homeroom had to vote for two girls to be nominated for homecoming court. The criteria:
1. the girls have to be in the same homeroom class, which reduced potential candidates to 26.
2. the girls have to exist.
After every girl had written their nominations, I collected them and began to tally the votes. RC, an all-star from a previous entry, gave her paper to me and I couldn't help but laugh as I read.
Apparently, RC failed to read the second point of the criteria.
The first girl, BF, does exist and is one of her good friends.
The second girl, Jenny, does not. There's no Jenny in the entire 8th grade at our school. Needless to say, Jenny didn't win the nomination.
1. the girls have to be in the same homeroom class, which reduced potential candidates to 26.
2. the girls have to exist.
After every girl had written their nominations, I collected them and began to tally the votes. RC, an all-star from a previous entry, gave her paper to me and I couldn't help but laugh as I read.
Apparently, RC failed to read the second point of the criteria.
The first girl, BF, does exist and is one of her good friends.
The second girl, Jenny, does not. There's no Jenny in the entire 8th grade at our school. Needless to say, Jenny didn't win the nomination.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Snowmageddon, Floodageddon and I-Wanna-Kill-You-ageddon
Sunday
7:00 p.m.: I cross my fingers and pray that it snows "enough" to cancel school the next day.
7:49 p.m.: It snows a dreadful TWO INCHES and pretty much every school in western Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, northern Louisiana and eastern Arkansas are closed. I jump for joy.
7:50 p.m...................................................................................................................................................
Monday
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... - 6:50 p.m.: Ab-so-lute-ly nothing.
6:53 p.m.: I find out that the neighboring school district - Shelby County Schools - is closed again the next day.
7:00 p.m.: BCS National Championship (which is equal in awe-worthy stature to meeting every Power Ranger at the same time)
11:30 p.m.: I look on the local news' website hoping to see that Memphis City Schools has cancelled classes. Get depressed. Decide to wake up at 4 a.m. to see what the decision was. Go to bed.
Tuesday
4:05 a.m.: My alarm goes off to start the day. My wife rolls over and tells me that school's not cancelled. I think about drinking the Clorox beneath our sink to create an excuse to go to the hospital instead of school.
6:40 a.m.: Arrive at school. Mrs. Willis says to me, "Is your room destroyed, too? Ms. Gunn's room is a disaster, she has a leak."
6:41 a.m.: Get to my room, slowly open the door and find nothing wrong.
6:42 a.m.: I hear the other teachers on my team talking in the hall, I look closely and realize that their rooms are submerged in two inches of nasty, chemically-treated water, in addition to a huge, murky puddle in the hall.
7:15 a.m.: Kids arrive, we ship them to the auditorium
7:32 a.m.: I realize how much my life is going to suck thanks to 160 devilish 8th graders in one confined space.
8:15 a.m.: Life still sucks.
10:42 a.m.: Life still sucks.
10:49 a.m.: Life still sucks.
11:40 a.m.: Mess is cleaned up, kids are bouncing off the walls, administration tells us that we should resume our day as normal.
11:42 a.m.: Life still sucks.
11:55 a.m.: The heathens arrive at the Classe di Lowe rowdier-than-ever.
11:57 a.m. - 2:05 p.m.: Completely useless time because half the kids were exhausted from talking themselves to death and don't want to pay attention to one, single word coming out of my mouf.
4:19 p.m.: Praying that it snows tonight.
7:00 p.m.: I cross my fingers and pray that it snows "enough" to cancel school the next day.
7:49 p.m.: It snows a dreadful TWO INCHES and pretty much every school in western Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, northern Louisiana and eastern Arkansas are closed. I jump for joy.
7:50 p.m...................................................................................................................................................
Monday
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... - 6:50 p.m.: Ab-so-lute-ly nothing.
6:53 p.m.: I find out that the neighboring school district - Shelby County Schools - is closed again the next day.
7:00 p.m.: BCS National Championship (which is equal in awe-worthy stature to meeting every Power Ranger at the same time)
11:30 p.m.: I look on the local news' website hoping to see that Memphis City Schools has cancelled classes. Get depressed. Decide to wake up at 4 a.m. to see what the decision was. Go to bed.
Tuesday
4:05 a.m.: My alarm goes off to start the day. My wife rolls over and tells me that school's not cancelled. I think about drinking the Clorox beneath our sink to create an excuse to go to the hospital instead of school.
6:40 a.m.: Arrive at school. Mrs. Willis says to me, "Is your room destroyed, too? Ms. Gunn's room is a disaster, she has a leak."
6:41 a.m.: Get to my room, slowly open the door and find nothing wrong.
6:42 a.m.: I hear the other teachers on my team talking in the hall, I look closely and realize that their rooms are submerged in two inches of nasty, chemically-treated water, in addition to a huge, murky puddle in the hall.
7:15 a.m.: Kids arrive, we ship them to the auditorium
7:32 a.m.: I realize how much my life is going to suck thanks to 160 devilish 8th graders in one confined space.
8:15 a.m.: Life still sucks.
10:42 a.m.: Life still sucks.
10:49 a.m.: Life still sucks.
11:40 a.m.: Mess is cleaned up, kids are bouncing off the walls, administration tells us that we should resume our day as normal.
11:42 a.m.: Life still sucks.
11:55 a.m.: The heathens arrive at the Classe di Lowe rowdier-than-ever.
11:57 a.m. - 2:05 p.m.: Completely useless time because half the kids were exhausted from talking themselves to death and don't want to pay attention to one, single word coming out of my mouf.
4:19 p.m.: Praying that it snows tonight.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Today's Sound Bites
Today offered some real gems as far as student interaction.
TB: "I don't know what to do. I keep closing that door, but it always seems to fly open. I keep trying to throw away the key to that problem, but somehow it always comes back to open up the lock. I'm sick of it."
I was soooooo stoked at her use of metaphor while speaking about the troubles in her life. Solid.
Now to the funny stuff.
The prompt was: "If you could be any animal for 48 hours, what would you be and why?"
JP: "I would be a monkey because they're awesome to watch and they make funny sounds like two fat people fighting over a piece of cheesecake."
As if J has ever seen - or heard - two fat people fighting over cheesecake...or skinny people fighting for cheesecake for that matter.
KM (one of the most laid back people I have EVER met): "I would be a lion because he has the sweetest job in the whole world. He just lays around under the trees all day and kills gazelles and...um...well, he kills gazelles and that's pretty sweet."
TB: "I don't know what to do. I keep closing that door, but it always seems to fly open. I keep trying to throw away the key to that problem, but somehow it always comes back to open up the lock. I'm sick of it."
I was soooooo stoked at her use of metaphor while speaking about the troubles in her life. Solid.
Now to the funny stuff.
The prompt was: "If you could be any animal for 48 hours, what would you be and why?"
JP: "I would be a monkey because they're awesome to watch and they make funny sounds like two fat people fighting over a piece of cheesecake."
As if J has ever seen - or heard - two fat people fighting over cheesecake...or skinny people fighting for cheesecake for that matter.
KM (one of the most laid back people I have EVER met): "I would be a lion because he has the sweetest job in the whole world. He just lays around under the trees all day and kills gazelles and...um...well, he kills gazelles and that's pretty sweet."
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Fart Patrol
Today, in class, my students were given time to quiz one another using their flashcards before the test began. I have one boy in the class, TB, who could talk paint off of a wall. Honestly, if I offered the kid $1 million to not make a sound for 45 minutes, he'd crack in the first 30 seconds. The other students have noticed, and they hate it.
This conversation followed:
PH (female): "Mr. Lowe, could you make one exception and maybe turn around for like ten seconds so that I can go and slap TB so hard that he never talks again?"
Me: "P, you know, I hear where you're coming from, but you know I can't do that."
PH: "I really think you can, it wouldn't be all that long."
The girl sitting next to her, RG, is listening to the entire conversation because I was standing next to her desk talking to PH. All of the sudden, I get a faint whiff of something and I realize that, yes, it's a fart, and a nasty one at that. So I stay silent. I don't say a word. Right as I'm about to respond to PH, RG looks up at me and says:
RG: "Don't stand too close, I just farted."
It took everything I had in me to not laugh because this girl is so quiet and would never - or I previously thought - admit to such a rank, vile smell. Like I said in one of my first posts of this blog, these kids divulge EV.ER.Y.THING.
This conversation followed:
PH (female): "Mr. Lowe, could you make one exception and maybe turn around for like ten seconds so that I can go and slap TB so hard that he never talks again?"
Me: "P, you know, I hear where you're coming from, but you know I can't do that."
PH: "I really think you can, it wouldn't be all that long."
The girl sitting next to her, RG, is listening to the entire conversation because I was standing next to her desk talking to PH. All of the sudden, I get a faint whiff of something and I realize that, yes, it's a fart, and a nasty one at that. So I stay silent. I don't say a word. Right as I'm about to respond to PH, RG looks up at me and says:
RG: "Don't stand too close, I just farted."
It took everything I had in me to not laugh because this girl is so quiet and would never - or I previously thought - admit to such a rank, vile smell. Like I said in one of my first posts of this blog, these kids divulge EV.ER.Y.THING.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Santa Knows Your Wishes
Just a short one today...
As I prepared to do battle this morning, I realized how ill-prepared I was mentally to face the scoundrels. It was a sink-or-swim situation. I did notice something curious, however. The boys all showed up with shorter hair, which seems normal because it's a new year so you might as well cut it off to prepare for the next 11 months. The funny thing was how many girls showed up with new weaves.
Santa truly "knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake."
And he rewards you with a weave.
Me (to KM, a student with a distinctly different weave than pre-Christmas): "So, do you get weaves for Christmas?"
KM: "Oh, full of jokes. A jokester."
Me: "No, I'm being serious, does Santa bring weaves for Christmas. Did you get the hair for Christmas?"
KM (beaming): "Oh. Yeah! You like it?!"
I got a Wii. She got her hurr did. We're all winners.
As I prepared to do battle this morning, I realized how ill-prepared I was mentally to face the scoundrels. It was a sink-or-swim situation. I did notice something curious, however. The boys all showed up with shorter hair, which seems normal because it's a new year so you might as well cut it off to prepare for the next 11 months. The funny thing was how many girls showed up with new weaves.
Santa truly "knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake."
And he rewards you with a weave.
Me (to KM, a student with a distinctly different weave than pre-Christmas): "So, do you get weaves for Christmas?"
KM: "Oh, full of jokes. A jokester."
Me: "No, I'm being serious, does Santa bring weaves for Christmas. Did you get the hair for Christmas?"
KM (beaming): "Oh. Yeah! You like it?!"
I got a Wii. She got her hurr did. We're all winners.
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