"You a racist!"

The transcript from the events leading up to the realization that I am a racist. A little long, but worth the read:

AB: "Mr. Lowe, I need to use it (the restroom) real bad. I got to go! We gotta go!"

Me: "As soon as everyone's silent, we'll head to the restroom."

(Most of the girls begin to settle down, but AB won't shut her mouth. I just stand and wait. Their fate is in their own hands)

AB: "MR. LOWE! I gotta USE IT!"

Me: "A, as soon as you're silent, we'll go, but you're the only one that's talking."

(She keeps talking. I laugh at the irony. A few of the other girls start giggling because they realize how stupid she's being)

Me: "A, do you realize that you have to go the worst, but you're the ONLY one still talking?"

(She realizes now that she won't win, so she becomes defiant and keeps talking just to talk. It has become a power struggle)

Me: "Okay, everyone else can use the restroom except A."

(She is still talking. All the girls use the restroom and return to their seats quietly. A won't sit down, she's just standing)

Me: "A, will you please sit down so we can get started?"

(She won't sit down. I ask her again nicely and again she won't sit down. I demand of her to sit down, she won't)

Me: "A, sit down. Sit."

AB: "I am not your dog! Don't tell me to sit!"

(I walk over to her seat and tell her to go to the hall and wait for me. She sits very quickly. I tell her that her time to sit has passed. She goes out in the hall)

Me, very calmly: "Why? I just want to know why you thought the last 10 minutes was a good idea."

AB: "I hate this class."

Me: "Why?"

AB: "YOU! YOU! You always pick on us!"

Me: "I pick on you? I pick on you because I want you to be able to follow a simple direction? If you keep acting like this, you'll be at McDonald's. But if you get to McDonald's and your boss says, 'Hey, A, go flip those burgers,' and you don't do it, you won't be at McDonald's anymore, you'll be on the street."

AB: "I won't be at McDonald's, I'm gonna be a lawyer."

(I chuckled at the prospect of that)

AB: "YOU ARE A RACIST! If B (a white girl) came out here and said she wants to be a lawyer, you would say that it's a fantastic idea, but you just laugh whenever a black girl says it because you're racist!"

Me: "How black is C? Is she as black as you?"

AB: "Yeah."

Me: "Yeah, she is. She wants to go to law school and I think it's a wonderful idea, we've even stayed after school and looked at law school pamphlets together. What about L?"

AB: "She's not black, she's mixed, she doesn't count."

Me: "Wait a second. I'm racist because you don't follow directions, yet you're the one who won't count another black girl because her dad is half-hispanic? Who's racist now?"

Anyway, the conversation digressed until it could go no further. Honestly, it hurt to hear that from her. I've made a very concerted effort to treat all my students equally and I really don't see color anymore. My favorite students are B, C and J, are all black, but A doesn't care because I'm a racist.

Me: "Is AD black?"

AB: "Yeah."

Me: "Well, by your definition of skin color, she's actually blacker than you are. So why isn't she out here in trouble? If I hate black students so much, why isn't every black girl out here just like you? Did you ever think that it's your attitude and not your skin color that's getting you into trouble?"

(She doesn't respond)

Our hallways are a 1950s-style checkerboard pattern with alternating brown and tan squares. The students are required to stand in one block ("rock your block") and not talk in the hallway.

Me: "Well, we're gonna go see Mr. Jones, our BLACK administrator, and see if he treats you any differently...."

(And then the kicker that totally pissed her off)

Me: "...and you need to rock your block, so put BOTH feet inside that brown block. Oh, excuse me, I forgot that I'm a racist. Will you PLEASE put both feet in that block right there that's a little darker shade than the one next to it?"

Yeah, a little immature, but oh so gratifying...except that I'm a racist.