A Brand-New Insult

Lunch detention.

Bane. Of. My. Existence.

If there's anything that gets my blood boiling, it's realizing on Thursday at 9:55 a.m. - 15 minutes before my lunch period, yes, I said lunch period - that I have to do lunch detention that day. Thirty minutes of sheer hell, dirty looks and snide comments.

"Why do I have lunch detention?! I didn't do anything!"

Last Thursday, among the convicted were two girls - both of them new to our school - who had served lunch detention only the day before and were in my lunch detention because they wouldn't stop talking during Wednesday's detention. A vicious circle. They were flabbergasted that I had called their names, even though they had been warned. They put up a fight. I wasn't interested, told them to get in line. They gave me dirty looks and made snide comments. Go figure.

When we got to the classroom, they began to talk, then would FLIP the F out when I told them to be quiet, thinking that the counter, "I wasn't talking!" with a dirty look will make me forget what I had just seen. Anyway, they kept talking and would repeat what I would say in a mocking fashion. Pissed me the hell off.

So, finally, I had had it and looked up their parents' phone numbers to call right then and there. I had purchased an iPhone only the week before and was still learning the tricks. Well, apparently it's easier to put a freaking shuttle into orbit than it is to enter a simple contact into your phonebook because when I tried to make the call, it kept pulling up the e-mail.

Thanks, Steve Jobs.

So I'm trying to deal with these girls while trying to decipher my technology and finally one of them says, "Just get on your phone and get out of my business."

I figured it out and called the dads. They were livid. They talked to the girls and put them right in their places. But the girls were still mad during my last period and they showed it. Dirty looks and snide remarks. I caught them passing a note and so, per classroom rules, I took it.

CG: "Wat he say"

KW: "Mr. Lowe ugly a** told my dad that i had talked back 2 him He a junkie azz white trash ni--a."

BEST INSULT EVER.

Within ten minutes, I had both of these notes on my desk:

CG: "Mr. Lowe, I so sorry for my RUDE behavior today and I just wanted to say sorry for everything. And KW is too."

KW: "I'm sorry for talking back and doing what i'm not asked to do. I will not do that again."

I love reading notes.

Sincerely,

Junkie Azz White Trash N---a.