Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Heart Technology

Grading assignments sucks. Bigtime. And if you're a teacher and you refute that statement, you're lying to yourself. It takes forever. It becomes monotonous. The time could be much better spent on bettering the classroom in other ways.

For those who are not teachers, you have no idea of the treachery. What seems like it should take maybe an hour ends up occupying an entire afternoon and evening. It's miserable. Hot lead to the eyes is the closest comparison.

I hate grading. But then came this lil' guy.

My school, because it's brand new, had funding to buy a bunch of cool technology to enhance the classroom experience. One of the purchases was a set of remotes that wirelessly connect to our SmartBoards and make it possible for the kids to take tests and quizzes without using paper. And the best part:

NO GRADING! It does everything for you. It has changed my life infinitely for the better.

Thus, I am thankful, in this season of thanks, for technology that allows me to not grade for seven hours straight.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, from your favorite teacher.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Angst on Thanksgiving Break Eve

Those who know me best know that I am a seasoned veteran in all things sarcastic. I've worked very hard to become the witty, smart-alec that I am, but it has proven very difficult to suppress that part of my personality when a student deserves that sarcasm the most.

In that today is Thanksgiving Break Eve, I just wasn't gonna let anything get to me. Then MS happened to me after lunch.

Me: "M, where are you supposed to be?"

MS: "I'm going to class."

Me: "Where exactly is that class? Because the bell rang 14 minutes ago and you should be in the class, not going to it."

Then MS blew his lid.


But it's Thanksgiving Break Eve, so I kept my cool.

Me: "Why are you shouting? I'm not yelling at you, so why are you yelling at me?"


Me: "Look, it's almost Thanksgiving Break, so if you want to ruin your day, then ruin it, but don't drag me into your misery."


That last comment made absolute no sense to anybody, but he had pushed me too far. I raised myself up to my full 6'4 frame (he's about 5'10) and got right in his face. I then began to raise my voice, telling him that if he wants to yell, I can yell. So I yelled.

Me (post-yelling): "Get into my classroom, we've got some things to fix before you go anywhere else."


Me: "Get into my classroom, but don't you dare disrupt my class."

He came in, yelled and hollered some more, then slammed himself into a seat and stared at the class.

And then came out the sarcasm.

Me: "M, turn around, nobody wants to see your face. Stare at the whiteboard."

More shouting on his part.

The assistant principal, who definitely does not shy from discipline, pops his head in laughing because he heard what I had just said and asks if he can help. I let him know that I've got it handled. MS starts shouting again.

Assistant Principal: "Little guy, you better make Mr. Lowe your best friend because he's the only thing that stands between you and me. If he gives me the go-ahead, we'll go down to my office and you'll be out of here - not for today, not for tomorrow, not for Thanksgiving. For forever. We'll send you to Treadwell and they LOVE kids like you because you're fresh meat, raw meat. And I'm more than happy to dangle you above their cage. So you better get Mr. Lowe on your side because it's rough on my side."

My whole class was freaked out. At that point, the AP leaves and I think he's gone. MS shouts "I NEED TO GO TO GYM!" With every syllable, he slams his hand on his knee really hard. I've calmed down because, again, it's Thanksgiving Break Eve.

Me: "M, you shouldn't hit your knee like that, it's just not nice, your knee doesn't deserve it."

The class explodes in laughter. I'm so far past done with this kid that I didn't hold back.

Me: "Class, are we laughing with him or at him?"

Class, in unison: "AT HIM!"

Once the classroom dies down, I hear the assistant principal laughing at my door. I thought he had left, but he had been there the whole time and heard my question to the class.

Success. The kid spent the next 2.5 hours in my classroom doing write-offs.

It's Thanksgiving Break Eve and nobody's getting in the way of that.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Quiz Funnies

Vocabulary quizzes each week usually produce some real gems, here are the latest:

I wasn't aware that a hand cream was the most hated thing in America. It's a good thing that Osma ben Lotion was found.

Apparently, his sister doesn't trust her boyfriend.

Ms. Misconish is their math teacher next door and, apparently, two girls aren't very happy with her...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

...but he eats his boogers.

The funniest e-mail I've received yet as a teacher.

She was moved today thanks to her mother's delicately-worded statement of facts.