Friday, November 30, 2012

Owned By a Girl, Part Deux

Girls are vicious

My cousin, Charlie, is getting ready to leave on his religious mission to Argentina for two years. He leaves December 12, and my wife and I don't fly back for Christmas until December 22, so we weren't going to see him for two years. He was able to get a flight out here, but, unfortunately, my wife and I weren't able to take days off to see him, so he came to school with us.

Charlie's a good-lookin' fella. Good genes, I suppose.

When we went to my wife's school after I picked him up from the airport, we walked into her classroom and, almost immediately, a girl in the back makes an "mmm, mmm" sound followed with a deep grunt, apparently vocalizing her approval of Charlie and his good looks.

The following day, he came into my school to visit. A few of the girls were eager to find out who he was and why he was in my classroom. After I introduced him, one of the girls, BC, said, in a swooning fashion, "Hi, Mr. Lowe's coooouuuussssinnn."

I was handing out papers and this conversation followed.

KH: "Mr. Lowe, which side of the family is he from? Yours or your wife's?"

Me: "Mine. Our moms are sisters."

KH, very incredulously: "Really? Are you sure?"

Me: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I've known him all our lives."

KH: "Hmm.....then where did his good looks come from?"


I responded by saying, "That's not something you really want to say to the person who has your grade in his hands? Things can change pretty quick."

My response didn't make me feel any better...

Owned by a girl, part deux. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Exploding Pens and Cooking Bacon

Yesterday, I wasn't having a whole lot of luck with my 6th period class; they've been a bit unruly these past couple weeks and I've had to lay down the law more than a few times. I had already threatened to take away the group activity I had planned if they caused any more problems.

As I was explaining the purposes of persuasive text, everyone in the back corner of the room busts up laughing. I, very irritated, ask, "What's so funny that you're disrupting me?" I was expecting them to get the usual guilty faces, stop laughing and move on, but instead they just all pointed at SC.

I look over at SC and he has bright blue lips and is looking at me like a deer in the headlights. I realize that his pen just broke in his hand because he had ink all over; he asks me very calmly if he can go to the restroom and all I can do is laugh. So, naturally, I pull out my phone to document the event, but then I realize the pen didn't explode in his hand, it exploded in his mouth and he spit it out into his hand.

The result:

                                                                                                                        Photo: Trent Lowe Utah

I thought my SC adventure was over, but today, as I was grading their tests, I came across his and started laughing when I was grading it, prompting weird looks from some of my students.

                                                                                                                Photo: Trent Lowe Utah

(I couldn't figure out how to rotate the picture, whoops)

They were supposed to use the word "ingenuity" correctly in a sentence. His response:

"I'm cooking eggs and bacon on an engine block, now that's redneck ingenuity."

SC, you have proven ingenious with both pens and words, my friend.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Not-So-Scary Scary Stories

At the strongly-worded request of Chris Morgan, I will be updating this blog a little more often in order to please the masses.

The last couple of weeks, we have been working on detailed descriptions and creative writing, so on Halloween, I decided to culminate all of our work into a spooky storytelling session. I darkened my room, played creepy music and posted creepy images on my projector. We then proceeded to tell scary stories, some true, some not so true.

There were lots of stories that were pretty good, but then JC began telling her stories.

I have a fraternity brother named Sean Tillery who is, quite possibly, the worst story-teller of all time. A sampling: "One time, I was camping and I was sitting in a chair. I looked up, and there were two trees, but the sun was in between them."

That's it, that's his whole story. Well, Sean, you've got stiff competition for that title.

J: "Once upon a time, there was a lady named Mary, no, Crazy Mary, no, Bloody Mary. And she killed people and then she looked in the mirror and died. The end."

The end? Everyone busted up laughing. It wouldn't have been as funny if she wasn't really smart the rest of the time. This is the girl who usually gets really high scores in my class, so for her just to fall flat on the story cracked everybody up.

But then...she decided she needed an encore.

J: "Once, there was a man, and he killed his family and cut their heads off."

That's it? That's the whole thing?

Maybe we need to re-cover some concepts.